Death By Media

My death-wish seems to be rearing its ugly little head again. I am simply giving too many interviews and statements to journalists who seem to be flocking in droves to my doorstep these days. One told me that the word is out that I am simply committing “death by media.” I asked him what that meant, he said that my outrageous statements on developments in Syria, and my frank opinions with regard to its leaders are simply going to get me in major trouble soon.

He might be right. After all what’s the point behind saying that the Syrian President is not Michael Corleone but his brother Fredo? What am I hoping to accomplish here? Whom am I daring and to do what exactly and to what end?

Or am I simply venting my frustration against the people who are driving me out of my home?

Or am I still that idealist who is still concerned about the future of this country and its people and have had enough with the foolishness and avarice of its leaders?

Damn it, we deserve better than this. We deserve better than this.

But then, yesterday's march against the state of emergency has drawn a meager 200 participants who were immediately dispersed by a crowed of intelligence officers in civilian attire that outnumbered them 10 to 1.

Still, when I hear more and more “average” citizens expressing in very frank terms their growing frustration with the worsening living conditions and with corrupt government officials who seem only interested in enriching themselves at the expense of all and sundry, I can feel the sizzling and the tremors – I know the volcano will be exploding soon.

Yet again I warn: this will not be a revolution, but a payback.

Since only thugs and murders flourish in times of trouble, I wonder, what’s a heretic to do? Commit "death by media?" And what about his family? What about his commitment to them? Where does a dreamer 's commitment to his madness end and his commitment to his loved ones begin? How does this manifest itself? How can he control himself? How/when can he stop being what he is and start being what the people around him want and need him to be? And why can't he be both? Or can he? Or am I blind? Or am I just a fool? Just another hapless fortune's fool?

I am not of this world. I am not of this world.

PS. Those who are wondering about my activities should visit the following websites: www.tharwaproject.com, www.daremar.org, www.amarji.org.